There were many different kinds of silence. Some were nice and comforting, others brought with them awkwardness, some infused with terror. She was so adept at deciding which was which, because for all the vocabularies she crammed into her skull, she kept getting her feet in her mouth.
This time it was the second.
Speaking was… difficult.
“I tried.” She looked up, taking his quirked eyebrows as a sign of disbelief. She cleared her throat, letting her voice fall.
“Really, I do.”
“It’d be easier if we’re mindreaders, don’t you think? Distilling everything into spoken words are-is–hard.” It went without saying that most of the time he wasn’t able to tell just what the hell she was getting at. Did he sound dismissive? Nah, better not bother.
“Oh God no, I wouldn’t want that, not at all.” She cringed. “Imagine,” she continued,”All those half-formed thoughts, I have things scattered all over. A-a sloppy drafter, me, y’know. So, uh, just don’t. God, that’d be so shameful if people see into it… and I don’t think anyone could make out what I actually want to say anyway.”
“Insight. Maybe that’s what we need. Problem is, sometime everything isn’t as simple as… words you can read from a book… thoughts feel more like…” She shut her eyes, trying to tune for a precise word. She should have it on her fingertips. “Ocean,” she chose. “Some are light, shining, beckoning… some are… violent. Waves crashing, all that.”
He shook his head. “You don’t exactly make yourself easy to understand.”
She gave him an apologetic smile. “I know, right? There should be a way to get this across more easily.”
She was certain he didn’t give this much deliberation. Yet, there was something big, something she was very much into. She was sure words could do more, she just haven’t found it yet.
Perhaps she’d have all the time in the world to decipher that, if she might.